And discovering what is important
The day the world was supposed to end was marked with freezing, gusty winds that shook the bare tree branches so violently I thought they’d snap off. The wind bit my face as I ran down the hill that led to Highland Park Middle School and heard the first bell ring.
I spotted Eve as I jogged through the main entrance. She was already through the door, but I wanted to catch her before class started. I pushed past a couple of people to get to her.
Eve was my best friend.
“Hi!” I said, giving her hand a squeeze.
“Oh hey, what’s going on?” she said, squeezing my hand back.
“Nothing much. It’s freezing! Oh, and the world’s going to end.”
We both looked at each other for a second, then burst into laughter. We were still holding hands.
“The only thing that’s gonna kill me today is the science test, not the Mayan calendar,” she said, as we began to make our way up to the third floor, where all the eighth-grade classes were. I rolled my eyes.
“Please don’t remind me of science,” I said. The Mayan calendar had prophesied it: the world would end on about December 21, 2012. Today.
Our lockers were close enough together that we could still talk right before class. We said our goodbyes as we headed to our fourth-period class, hugging each other tightly.
Saying Goodbye
“I’ll miss you,” I said. She grinned and kissed me on the cheek, then turned quickly and walked to the math classroom.
I looked after her. Morgana, whose locker was next to mine, elbowed me playfully.
“People are gonna think you’re lesbos!” she said. I stuck my tongue out at her and then said, “Good!” slamming my locker shut and walking toward the science classroom.
“Now I know it’s the last day before winter break, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take this test seriously,” Mrs. Maroon drawled. I sighed, trying to calm down. How was I supposed to remember the difference between igneous and metamorphic rocks?
Mrs. Maroon handed out our tests. I flipped mine over and wrote the date. I glanced at the clock. It was 11:30, a half hour before the world would be ending. I looked across the room at Eve. She was already vigorously writing. She looked so pretty when she was concentrating.
I shook my head and started the test.
Should I Use My Last Three Minutes to Kiss Her?
I finished at 11:55. The test wasn’t so bad! Maybe Mrs. Maroon made it easy, to celebrate the holidays. I looked at Eve. She had also finished. She glanced up and smiled at me. I smiled back. She took a book out and began reading.
I looked at the clock again. 11:57. The world was going to end in three minutes. I looked at Eve again. She was already invested in her book. I sighed.
I thought about the Google search I’d made a couple days before. Is it normal to want to kiss your best friend, if you’re both girls? I didn’t get the answer I wanted. The Internet was screaming, “Lesbian! Gay!” I combed through message boards, which argued that every fourth person is gay, so I wasn’t alone. The only thought that rang through my head after I slammed the family laptop closed when my mom came home from work was, “Where? Where are they?”
I thought about the panic and despair I felt when I realized that the feelings I thought I had for boys paled in comparison to what I felt when I looked at girls.
I was still staring at Eve. She was so pretty. 11:58. The world was going to end in two minutes. What would I do if the world started ending?
You could kiss her.
I tried to drive the thought out of my head. Eve doesn’t even know I kinda like girls!
What do you have to lose, if the world ends?
“Nothing,” I whispered to myself. I started daydreaming.
God, she’s gorgeous. I wish she liked girls. I mean, not like I want that really badly or anything. It would just be cool if she did. I would totally date her. But not because I like her! It’s weird to like your best friend like that. She probably doesn’t even like girls. God, I’m so gross. This is awful, I shouldn’t even be thinking this stuff. She has no idea I sorta like girls, imagine what she would think of me!
11:59. One minute. I looked at Eve again.
If the world starts to end, I really could kiss her! I mean, it’s not like we haven’t kissed before. Well, those were accidents, but I liked it. She told me she liked it too. Why did we never talk about that? I guess it’s normal to do that if you’re really good friends with someone. But I want to kiss her differently than that. Like a boy would kiss a girl. It’s fine if the world is ending, right?
12:00. I looked at the clock, and then Eve, the clock, then Eve. Nothing was happening.
If the world starts to end, I’m going to kiss her.
12:01. 12:02. 12:05. 12:10.
The bell rang.
“Okay everyone, have a good winter break,” said Mrs. Maroon. I looked away from the clock. Everyone began packing up their things. Eve made her way to my seat.
“Hey! The world didn’t end!” she said. I looked up at her and then at her mouth.
“Y-yeah,” I stuttered quietly. She frowned.
“What’s wrong? Was the test all right?” she asked, taking my hand. I shrugged.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. We left the science classroom, still holding hands. I tried not to think about how disappointed I was.
Post-Apocalyptic Discoveries
I tried to forget about my feelings for Eve. But by Christmas I was still imagining what it would be like to kiss her. My aunts always told me that one day I’d love a boy more than myself, that he would sweep me off my feet and hold doors open for me and take me out to dinner, but they never said anything about girls. I thought I was broken.
The day after Christmas I was with Eve and our friends, walking around Highland Park in the cold, getting Pringles and coffee at Stop & Shop. We held hands as we slid down the hill near the middle school, laughing, as people played in the snow nearby. I was squeezing Eve’s hand, and looking at her like I was supposed to look at a boy, knowing I would never love a boy like I love Eve.
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